Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
