where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
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