Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We need to get me chipped asap
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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