i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dicks are not precious.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
