I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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