wanna go halves on a baby?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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