i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
