i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
