Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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