Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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