dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
