what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
