So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
