Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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