I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
