in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
