I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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