Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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