Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
