I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
