You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
