dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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