road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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