Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We are all done wearing pants today
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
