I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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