worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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