He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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