Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
