Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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