remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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