Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
