I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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