we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
