I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
