I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My vagina just recognized that song.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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