it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize