Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
