The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
