you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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