my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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