I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
