so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
