The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
