Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
