If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
