you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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