I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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