He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
