Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
