Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
