you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize