After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
