i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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