just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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