did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
