Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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