I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
