I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
