Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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