You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
