Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
where are you?
Hypothermia
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
