I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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