Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
