It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
