My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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