So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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