I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
