if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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