you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
