i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize