the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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