I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
