just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
two words...techno handjob
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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