I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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