My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
