Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
