i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
