I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
