I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
