Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
