To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
