pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
