I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize