Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
