Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
