OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
