He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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