I just pynch a tree in the face
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
