he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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