Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
