i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize