so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
