I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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