are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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