no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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