I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
