I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
