Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
