Three words: puerto rican gang bang
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
