The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
