Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
