Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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