im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
