I will die if light touches me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
